Life isn’t always fair. Days come when we feel alone, afraid, insignificant, and very unloved. Someone ignores our feelings. Another proves to be insensitive through his words or actions. And no matter how diligently we try to bless someone, we end up feeling our intentions were mediocre, unwanted, or perhaps we simply failed in some way. The result yields unwarranted pain that penetrates like a dagger into our very souls. When we are faced with these stressful and intimidating situations, we become discouraged and may refuse to pursue any future efforts to serve. Fear of rejection and pain lures us to withdraw from others in an attempt to protect our hearts.
Unfortunately, our steps can sometimes lead us around an endless circle. Sleepless nights and weary days can appear to smother God’s plans for our lives. Satan lurks around the corner with his smirky little grin, waiting for us to give up. He laughs at our calamities, while yet plotting our next downfall. However, no matter how disillusioned we become, we must continue to press on.
No, we won’t always have friends among us who understand our journey. Most, if not all, may never wish to walk with us along our path. Still, we must somehow harvest the courage to keep weathering the storms, fighting the battles, and holding our heads up, whether or not anyone is there to cheer us on. And we should stay ever mindful . . . God’s love will be our source of comfort, and He will be our true Friend until we’re safely home.
Alone and troubled, I pause to reflect . . .
Countless years of feeling discarded and yesterdays, lavished with hurt,
Now surround this day as I struggle to make sense of it all.
Seems I’ve walked this unsettling path a thousand times before.
Feels as though a million times I’ve sought to mend my broken soul;
Yet all the wounds keep being re-opened.
“What do they want from me?” is the question I keep asking myself.
“Why am I not good enough?”
These words keep echoing through my mind.
Nothing I do seems to lessen my uncertainty.
If only I could be strong enough, I could let them see.
I would show them who I am, and they could sense what I feel.
I could walk them through my heart and allow them to visit my pain.
Who appointed anyone to judge someone else?
No one deserves to be disregarded or rejected.
No one pleads to be mistreated through words or by sight.
God observes the secrets of every heart.
He considers the smallest of thoughts
And the intent of each person’s actions.
One day, we will all be accountable for every idol word or deed.
I will survive; my shattered heart will finally heal . . .
If not in this life, in the life to come while I sit with my Father.
He will then dry every tear from my eyes,
And my suffering will be no more.
So, heart, be not troubled; for today is only temporary.
There is hope in my tomorrow for true love, everlasting.
Never again will someone’s injustice yield me to tears.
My Father will never turn me away, no matter how unworthy I may be.
At last, I will genuinely grasp how it feels to be accepted as I am;
For I am the Lord’s most valued treasure,
And He calls me His friend.
“Though I’m not much, You care for me;
Just as I am, without one plea.”
© 2009 Doris Hayes Gibson
Page 87, Heart Written – Breaking Free (Revised Edition, 2013)
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